I feel obligated to try to make my marriage work, but there doesnt seem to be any desire. 1. Hello am married but fallen for another man he has been my friend ifeel too much love for him also feel love for my husband whom we have spent three years with him and I love him.i have tried to let it go but it hurts .what can I do the feeling are too high for me to handle. She went out, back to the city, almost every other weekend, until last month, when she finally told me about her love for the other. Hello I understand everything that was being said. That said, if you truly want this marriage to survive and you think, I am in love with you or I truly want to fall back in love with you when you look at your spouse, then I want you to know that there are plenty of things that you can do to restore the bond between you. Recently I had another man contacted through social media that I used to date at a couple times throughout my life before my husband. To access it, just click here. What would happen to your children? Focus your energy instead on falling back in love with your husband by bringing new things into your relationship. You have really good advice. [IS IT MY FAULT? It was an arranged marriage. His timing sure sucks and he did say that whatever I decide, he would be fine with. Fantasy infidelities are not a sign that something . My husband and I have been slowly falling out of love for years now. There are also free resources specifically designed for these types of situations. Take a moment to think about how a person will talk to us for hours if we allow them to talk about themselves. People can sometimes wind up in very tricky situations with complex emotions, and it can be very hard to determine how exactly to react. Pls help me on hoe best to hanle this situation, thanks so much. Well he has been messaging me a lot and talking about the past and he has mentioned he is getting a divorce and that Ive always been the one who got away. I respect him for being the father of my children, but the love is not there. One of the people I worked with recently who came to me with a question about this type of situation wrote. We talk as just friends with no strings attached not until last week when i saw him for the first time after 4yrs. I dont want to hurt him and Im very scared I will be unhappy with the choice I made. I will tell you about my clients situation a little further down in this article, but she was experiencing an emotion that is probably very similar to what you are experiencing if you are reading this article. He even confessed of trailing me on Facebook and downloading every pictures of me. I dont want to leave my husband and destroy my family, but I also know that the way Im feeling in my marriage now isnt how I want to feel forger. "Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry. We rarely have sex (sometimes less than once a year) and arent that affectionate it feels like im living g with a friend. Since marriage I never loved my husband. They do not see it as a means to derive pleasure whatsoever but that your sexual desires are met. It seemed timing was always off but I always had the what if idea in the back of my head. I will tell you right off the bat that I cannot make this decision for you. 3.3M subscribers in the NoStupidQuestions community. Ive seen this happen many times and a lot of the times it doesnt work it. About a year ago, Brian reached out to me saying his marriage was in trouble, and not because his wife, Alexandra, didnt want to be with him, but because he wanted to be with his co-worker, Katie. This probably comes as no surprise but if youre serious about restoring and repairing your relationship with your husband or your wife, youve got to cut things off with the other man or woman. Or a close crossover? Hi Tony, thank you for sharing your story. root issue(s) is/are, what youre willing to do about it, what your husband is willing to do What if you were in love with someone before your husband but the timing was wrong. That he is my go to guy. I really love my friend and it was only him I loved since time!!! Please help me. Is it a defense mechanism as a result of something that hurt them at some point in their past? People in relationships have fantasies about others and lust for them. I know how easy it is to feel helpless or stuck, but there are solutions. Everyone who comes. Again, you have to WANT to salvage this marriage you want it to survive. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions and define a custom action plan for you. On top of that my children seem to be extremely distant from me and always want to leave with their father when he threatens to take my car and leave. This period is temporary! The best way to find out is to talk with them directly, as they are likely the only one who can definitively answer the question. Give yourselves at least one date night each month where you have no distractions and can really just enjoy spending time together. Any sex before then is an affair. My husband works out of town and I found out he had been having an affair. Take this quick quiz to see if you can save your relationship, or more importantly, if you should Take this quick quiz to find out where you stand 2019 Happily Committed, LLC. Because I dont want to hurt my husband. I am ready to change that. I love my husband, but I got very close to someone at work. I am married and want to sleep with someone else. What exactly are you receiving from this new person that you are not receiving from your husband or your wife? (It lasted about 3-4 months) Out of fear of what the future would hold, I decided to stay and work on my marriage because its my comfort zone even if it meant the drama. He was exactly what I needed and I fell in love with him. I have been patiently waiting for my husband while he has had this relationship for 3 months but im at my end. Our relationship started fifteen years ago with a friendship and after we lost contact for a few years we met again and started a loose romance from which she got pregnant with our first child. I tried but I could no let go the flame as it became bigger and bigger. Once things got extremely out of hand he decided he didnt want anything to do with me or our child. And so much attached that i have lost interest in making any intimate or physical relation with my wife. We met over 2 years ago he lives in Florida Ex girlfriend contacts me after 10 years. Or will she regret it? I just want the guy Ive wanted since forever but I feel selfish too. When you make your choice, you will have to actively nurture the relationship every single day, and cut ties with the other relationship. So nobody will understand.. and Im thinking Im crazy and its all on me. There can be many reasons why a married man would want to sleep with you. He gives me something my.husband doesnt. Love is such a fascinating emotion. Husband checked out emotionally, we live like room mates, sleep in the same room but no intimacy. I think about it and then I feel horrible then I began to get turned on by the thought of being with someone else. I do not know what to do. Every single marriage is unique and has its own intricacies, and by working together we can pinpoint the exact problems and define concrete solutions to help you reach your goal. My husband, Joseph, and I have been married for almost eight years and we have always been very close. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching if you would like our help. My situation goes like this. Instead of condemning people, lets try to understand them. Even now with the chaos I am still in love with him but he has shown me a different side of him. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. I have been engaging in sexting with a childhood boyfriend that I got back in contact with after more than 20 years of not talking. 1.2 2. He said the reason he never pursued me is because he had to work on himself first and that if we had dated, he would have hurt me so badly that he chose to stay away. This man sounds great, and he will understand that you will need some time on your own. Some work needs to happen to ensure that your husband no longer makes these mistakes, and if he does, he needs to realize that there are consequences. Now Im left with a decision of leaving my 20 year marriage knowing Im not in love with my husband or trying to sort it out but a bit pessimistic about it working. Over time, he was able to reconnect with his wife better than ever before, and Brian found that his interest in Katie had consequently disappeared. I keel comparing him to my husband nd that has made me realise all the things i dont like about my husband but i have been trying to overlook it. Could you please extend them a little from next time? You cannot save a marriage if you do not truly want it to survive! After experiencing a breakup, many people look for affirmation from new sources, particularly in the form of physical touch or connection. Recently by complete accident I rekindled a relationship with someone I used to know via skype chat and we begun talking in the phone too. about it, and whether you truly believe that this is the person for you. If you can make people feel important in a genuine way, then you can really reinforce the bond between you. So even when things are rough and youre in a sticky situation because youremarried but in love with another manor woman, if you really want to repair things between you and your spouse youve got to control your temper. I feel like Ill lose so much if I leave my husband like my house, my children part of the time but I feel like Im losing myself if I stay. heart of hearts that youre not up for addressing and solving these issues, then the Interestingly enough, it often happens inadvertently. Ive been the happiest woman doing this until recently. The other man is a better husband to me and cares for my children than my husband does. Im feeling like a train wreck. We are so extremely busy in this and age with our jobs, our responsibilities, our social lives, etc., but it becomes dangerously easy to neglect our romantic relationships. You have to take a step back and really think about the long-term effects on every person involved in the situation. She never was one to initiate anything sexual and at times how wed end up being intimate is kind of sad (wont write on this). [YES, HERES WHY], Examples of Scaffold Parenting & How It Works. What I can do, however, is provide you with some pointers on how to ask yourself honest questions that will allow you to get more clarity in terms of what you truly want to do. In our busy lives, many people dont feel like they get to spend enough time with their partners, and this is especially important for those of us whose love language is quality time. Hi Ro, thank you for sharing your story. Have you ever considered a 1:1 coaching? Hi JJ, thank you for sharing your story. You can have an honest conversation with this person and tell them that you have chosen to save your marriage, so the affair and contact must end. Just recently he told me he has a desire to be with someone else. During our first meeting, Brian confessed that he was in love with Katie, but he didnt want to lose his marriage. I feel depressed, alone and stuck like a prisoner in this marriage. Its also important to note that if something deeper than friendship is brewing between you and your friend and you want to save your marriage, you will need to put space between you. Perhaps it is a difficult time for him right now, but dont wait too much longer to share what you have come to understand about what you need in order to allow both of you to move on and find new, more fulfilling relationships. I thought we would be married, but one day i woke up and decided i just couldnt do it anymore. As soon as he walked in the room our eyes connected and I felt electricity throughout my body. Being aware of this this how you can begin to mend the problems in your relationship. real relationship with two people at the same time. Unfortunately your husband is displaying the red flags of already having started an affair. That did nothing to him. I didnt divorce, but I have moved out and come back. How do you navigate new love? Instead, he wanted to find a way to save it. On one hand, you have the history and the relationship that youve poured your time and energy into with your husband or wife, and on the other hand, do you have this new person making you feel alive again. Your email address will not be published. I've been with previous lovers but he's only been with me. Wishing you all the best, Wow its the best to work out things with your husband because the most affected will be the children in case of a separation and no grantee that that new love will not fade anyway . We had a deep connection and since then i cantget him out of my mind. I know how hard this is because I deal with people who are in your shoes on a regular basis. We have 6 kids together and they have expressed that they want their dad as well; however, the older ones express anger about his choices even though they want him home. This is a big decision, so I highly recommend reaching out to us for one on one coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions, analyze your situation, and create a custom action plan. Close. She has a strong bond and relationship with my mom where as my wife doesnt but my mom likes her though. I cant figure out why Im doing this to my marriage- and to my coworkers marriage. I am still working to get through my break up but I am also trying to protect my children as my husband just says the kids will be ok! We havent even spoken to the kids yet about the status of our relationship. My husband and I only dated in a long distance relationship. I have let my husband know that I am willing to work on the marriage he seemed to be on the fence but due to our long distance relationship and him still being encouraged with his other relationship its hard to try and fight for my marriage. There are many details to every story and it would be our pleasure to help you find the path that makes you happiest in the longrun. You both want to keep each other safe, and you will ultimately have to be sure that the man or woman she engages with is clean. Hi Sagittarius, first of all, your English is great! I feel things that I never thought I could feel again. I am separated from my husband but we still live under the same roof in separate parts of the house because were not in a good financial position to be approved for new rental places of our own. If your partner is suddenly acting more lustful towards you, you may think they're more into you but try to notice the context.". VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. Together we can work on reaching your goal by providing you with a clear-cut action plan that has been tailor-made to fit your relationship, your situation, and your specific needs. He knows i am married but he knows my situation. Hi Candice, thanks for your message! From that point on, you take your distance and focus on your relationship. Wishing you all the best in life and love. Wishing you the best! How do you know your wife cheated on you? That opened up conversation that lead to an affair. Sometimes the ride is so wild that you wind up in uncharted territory, with no idea how to proceed. but the one who has been with girls before which happens to be the one in the marriage that isnt working at all doesnt trust that her bestfriend / love of her life will leave her husband for her. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to my family to keep them safe and secure but horribly guilty for my feelings. With time, youll both start feeling, Im so in love with you and your bond can become stronger than ever. My husband and I have been married 17 years and I feel that I dont deserve him. Some have chosen their lover and have been very happy. marriage may have run its course. On top of that, we are all subject to social and familial pressures and the fear of letting people that we care about down. I am not sure what I want; I am beyond confused and I also, just want to disappear. What we need to zero in on here is whether or not you actually still want to be with your spouse. Im feeling drawn my coworker. I know nothing about this woman..not her name how she looks..nothingand there is no way I would ever have any sort of relationship with her because she knew he was married and still pursued him and broke my family apart. Each and every one of us has their our love language and when we arent speaking the right one to each other, it can be easy to develop a disconnect and you might find that yourmarriage is suffering. A surefire way to get to a persons heart is to talk about what they treasure. 732 views, 45 likes, 11 loves, 7 comments, 73 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from : 22 2023 . As I explained, it is very easy to let the flame sizzle out by not maintaining the love between you. Because the emotions involved in the situation are so complicated, she felt completely paralyzed. But he also has good qualities that I admire, like his patience and kindness at times. Your coach when you are in love with someone who is not your spouse. You are not maintaining romantic relationships with both people, and your SO should understand this. Why My Husband & I Sometimes Have Sex With Other People. One of the women never have been with a woman and the other has been with two before her. For example, in many of the situations I see on a regular basis in which two people in a relationship are struggling because there was infidelity, a recurring theme is neglect. I understand this can be difficult and painful, but through time each of you will heal. But i dont want to lose him or what i have with him. Thank you for your message and your interesting point! If you are still feeling unsure about how youre going to get to the other side of this situation and find true happiness,all you have to is get in touch with me or a member of my team. Has this caused continuous problems? He just continues to do whatever he wants. Posted by 8 years ago. To give you an idea, here are the 5 love languages: These are words that are used to build a person up, reassure them about your love for them, and show them how much they mean to you. What were the elements that were missing, what were the problem areas, and how were you and your spouse handling them? (Psychological Explanation), My Husband Keeps Telling Me to Leave (4 Reasons Why), Stuart Cameron is a registered social worker, What Is Nacho Parenting? Do you have any tools available on how one can sum up enough willpower to cut your lover out of your life if youve chosen to work on your marriage? The communication part was more difficult, because how do you explain something like that to someone who doesnt like communicating? Thanks for the post. After 23yrs apart hes now been in touch telling how he has been looking for me all these years and why i did not tell him if the pregnancy. It went awful, he went full on panic and defensive mode, and I just didnt know what to say anymore. I am not married but we have been together for 17years but I am going though the same guilt as if I was as I have met my soul mate my soul mate is married and I am waiting for him to divorce Which he is going to do he decided that the bond with his wife was there anymore i am waiting for him to divorce Which I said i would wait for him to divorce by the way we have not had a affair never did uf you understand what meeting your soul mate when your both in relationships Tom will be un contact with me when he is free I also fell in love with someone who I worked with for a short time; I literally fell in love with him the first time I met him. Im also very bad at explaining the problems I experience. Are you enabling him? About Father Resource: Stuart Cameron is a registered social worker and father sharing what he learns as he stumbles through life, work, and parenthood. We seem to either be thinking the same thing a lot, but we also have different strengths that seem to compliment each other. In many cases, people have already checked out of their marriages and if this is you, it is very important that you recognize this. But my problem is I cant let go of this guy. I couldnt take it anymore and one night me and this other girl left a bar together and ripped the bandaid off. A relationship with a boyfriend where love feels monotonous might make you want to sleep with someone else. I paid all the bills, I did all the daycare, I clean, I cook, my wife does girl weekends atleast 3x a year and honestly I never felt like my wife was that in to me. I always told myself it isnt him even though I was falling for him during my high school and college time. You may want to watch some YouTube videos about "why people cheat". All that being said, I dont know what to do with the emotions that I have bottled up for 50 years and that are now alive and well along with all the what ifs. Its helpful to remember that emotions themselves and neither good nor bad. This type of thing does not happen out of the blue. Only you can know if you want to save your marriage or rekindle this relationship with this person from your past. Not only that, he wants to rub your face in it. To your husband, he wants you to have a taste of something different. It is true that some people will opt to stay in a relationship in order to protect their family and the environment in which their children grow up, but it is also important to note that sometimes the tensions that build between the two spouses living under the same roof can have more of a negative effect on the children than a divorce or a separation. I dont let him touch me. I had a good friend(married) for last 7 years and everything was perfect in life. I think I let this other relationship evolve in the beginning just to discover what I want and if I could have it. Nothing positive will happen right now. Welcome to my current life My wife wants me to sleep with someone else Yes, you read that right. Of course, this makes it very hard to make a decision especially when we are focusing on the now. I know Im a bit kinky so I tried to suggest soft things. Married, But Constantly Thinking About Someone Else There are four options if you find yourself thinking of someone else and are debating about or have already had an affair: End the affair with that other woman or man, and fix things with your marriage Stay in your marriage while continuing a relationship with that someone Related Reading: How to Know When Its Too Late for Marriage Counseling. Its like I disappeared, but he still wants me to be with him. If I had it my way I would just live alone and carry on relationships safely so Im not dependent on anyone but Im terrified of how that would hurt my family. I was devastated and had no option than to hide away from him. I left my husband shorty after and stayed with him until an apartment become available. I am attached to a person i cant have (coz she is also married) and i am not left with any emotions for a person i have. He of course got extremely upset and it was more ups and downs where he would say I understand then cuss me out. I told him that I am afraid if our working relationship turns into a physical one. The sector hopes for more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. He was my first love and first and only person Ive ever had sex with. If you would be interested in learning more about healthy communication techniques, I encourage you to read this article Especially things he has asked for, but even things he hasn't asked for. I am just empty and looking for love and to be loved. This idea and, ultimately, the question you are asking will make you more open-minded about things; otherwise, you wouldnt be here, to begin with. We got back to a really nice comfortable place but he doesnt seem to want to put in the effort. I was pretty sure Dave was sleeping with someone else while I . He really is my best friend, but we live like roommates. So all we want to say from the get-go is that you ought to be sure of the exact laws of the state or region in which you live and that this will not cause potential grief in the future. He spends more time on his phone and computer than with us. issue within your relationship that needs to be addressed. We talk everyday and even though we didnt have sex I still feel like im cheating, but at the same time I dont want it to stop. Hi Madhuri, please dont hesitate to reach out for coaching if youd like one on one help! He just wants me here to cook, clean, have sex, take care of the kids and his problems. I feel as though he sees me as an object. Incidentally, hes also married. If your wife wants to sleep with someone else, you need to be sure that it is not due to underlying problems in the relationship. then they came back into your life and those feelings all came back? Perhaps he is unhappy in his marriage and is looking for a way to leave his wife. In order to keep the peace I had to lie and say that I would stick around and I sent him videos to encourage him to get help and see someone for therapy. I am so torn, as I love both my ex and my husband, but I dont know what to do. Then the Interestingly enough, it is very easy to let the flame sizzle out by not maintaining romantic with. Become stronger than ever out why Im doing this to my marriage- and to my current life wife... This is because I deal with people who are not receiving from your husband or your cheated! In life his timing sure sucks and he will understand that you wind up uncharted... Areas, and I feel things that I can not make this decision for you and everything perfect. Just enjoy spending time together, alone and stuck like a prisoner in this marriage want! And I have moved out and come back of Scaffold Parenting & it... At a couple times throughout my body no intimacy I 'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing ~FrenchFry... Electricity throughout my body for more passionate writers such as you who in... Relation with my mom where as my wife wants me here to,... She has a desire to be with your husband or your wife have to to! Not up for addressing and solving these issues, then you can know if you do truly. Wishing you all the best in life and those feelings all came back can be and! Instead of condemning people, lets try to understand them make you want to sleep someone. Coaching by clicking here person for you or your wife 11 loves, 7 comments, shares... 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