In the end, I know its gonna be hard at first. #help !!! Communicate With Confidence. Talking daily, getting each other through tough times. Eventually, he just stopped replying to my email. It just hurts that someone you spend every day talking to doesnt have the respect and common decency to give closure. I wonder if hes afraid of caring to much about me and getting hurt again or maybe I scared him when I asked him this quesrion. Coming from this mindset makes it much less of a big deal if a vanisher then vanishes again. guys dont like to be insulting, so they will just let you be you and fade away to someone else not so demanding or opinionated. What did you end up doing? Ask him directly how he feels about the two of you, Other things you can do when he disappears (if you decide that you dont want to text him). I have a pretty large circle and i dont know ANYWAY who would do something like that without some kind of serious instigation on the others part (ie you borrowed his car and wrecked it or something lol). With for a long time but turns out she was cheating on him and even before that he was with her on and off and then completely let go. That might appear strange and downward pitiful, but it is a fact! I could see he has read messages but didnt bothered to respond. Random I know but would appreciate a viewpoint! You do deserve the best and you will find it.good luck dear!! Well, the date went really well and one thing led to another You know how it goes. I then was being goofy one night and had sent him a text thinking everything is grand and his response was who is this? Now here is my question Ladies and Gentlemen why when everything seemed to be fine and normal would he delete my number? I still do, everytime I remember him, even after nearly a year. 10 years of texting and chatting can be dispelled after 10 seconds with a person if you just dont feel that personal connection face to face; and its really about more than just attraction, people have a way about them, and it might just make you uncomfortable, like someones energy is just not at all what you expected. Anyway, as you often write here, we cant settle for less that we want. Stopped calling, stopped replying to my texts. Like Oprah says, The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. My bet is that this isnt the first time hes been flighty towards you. I try to say its important. It seemed like when I told him I was starting to feel like a convenience, it pissed him off. Just grey ticks on whatsapp. There could be a 1001 reasons why he disappeared and then reappeared, but basically the bottom line is. Completely disappear and he will come back. But his too! Im 22, and while we were seeing each other, I was laid off from my job as an editor, and was pretty shaken up about it. And that's something they spotted before you did. I keep thinking about what happened. But were allowed to make reasonable assumptions for the sake of minds! I know id tell someone If i wasnt feeling it. I dont want to go over the top and question him as to why he has become a little bit quieter, but at the same point I need to understand why? Move on and meet someone who is. Youd think id be over this by now but nope, Hes making it really difficult. He began to slither away, but we would always get back together. (Even though days ago you were claiming how much you love me and couldnt wait to come home to me). Texts again started to get less and less. What do you guys think?? We dated heavily within the month, 12 dates to be exact. You had a phenomenal date. We talked about the future and how he was coming to see me in nov. And 3 months later he will leave on our 5 month anniversary. And he still ghosted. I know many men that constantly try to improve themselves to find an amazing woman. 1) Usually not. We made plans for Saturday, at 6. Mind you I am not a narcissist, I am a codependent nice guy/white knight. It just bothers me so much that he hasnt said NOTHING to me. Relationships are two way with both putting in the effort. It was great time his dad liked me :). 3. I was so nervous I was a rambling mess but we hung out for hours at the end of the night his work phone rang ( he was on call ) and he ran out. He was the one to say on the first date, that if either one of us didnt want to see one another at some point to just tell the other person. I waited a week, hoping hed bring it up (he didnt). He was like we CANNOT have SEXI said fine, I wasnt into someone not into me anyway. Texting such a man would boost his ego and will likely show repetitive behavior whenever he needs self-validation. People generally describe me as fun to be around, caring and interesting person. Been dating for a few months, everything is fine, but roughly 3wks ago it was like a switch flicked and he changed overnight. And he has been with models and girls who have had Timmy tuck and stuff like that. I dont know what to do. But these guys are in their mid 30s and 40s. I would not answer him at all when he tries to come back with his tail between his legs. You did the wrong thing. Almost every one of your friends has met at least one guy who disappeared from their lives suddenly and then decided to come back after some time. I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago (he actually DID break up with me) and like you I sent him a few angry texts in the beginning. Chasing likely is what he wants you to do. Thats so unfair! The guy Ive been seeing told me he could see us being happily married and that he hoped that our kids had my eye colour. I was trying to do things in the right way and not rush to a relationship or label it a relationship, mistakes women often do, and I have done before years ago. His excuses for always not calling me, hes always working. I dont have any emotional baggage. I began to feel insecure whenever he took longer than usual to contact me. And then wed be pissed, instead of confused. Why did he string you along? THANK YOU!! I ignored the red flags. Last time, I asked him what happened to the best friends forever. We even had a phase where he didnt want to have sex with me. He texts the next day says hes sorry he was so out of it and glad I came by though. Then he asked me to join him for thanksgiving dinner with his family. 1: because he is married and I've never initiated contact, he always did. I was ok with it and we cuddled and kiss till I got home, he texted me right after to seri got home safe and everything seemed great, until he started a new job the day after the talk I had with him. You are the better person. It has been a couple months now and I have not heard a peep from him. Ive tried initiating contact a few times, But he disappears mid conversation (which i find rude) And then i wont hear a peep again for weeks on end, So i stopped doing it. it was shocking and hurtful. This time has been hell for me and I miss him every day. He kept smiling at me and so He asked me to marry him and I said yes. I know Ive been used just like the past 3 guys I met, all went well, all had ex issues they couldnt get over, then bam! I said it took you an hour to talk to your ex. I know plenty of gorgeous, smart, funny, successful, amazing women who have had the vanishing act pulled on them and it didnt make them any less gorgeous, smart, amazing, etc. Was this yesterday? I didnt even question it.that is unitl one day. Its been 3 months, 24/7. My heart is broken because he wont let me in, he wont talk to me, he ignores me but I know he care, I know he want me to be there, I can tell in the way he hold me, touch me, look at me. You want someone as special as you, trust in that! Im sure it felt real for him too, but if you let yourself make assumptions about it in real life (before meeting) you set yourself up to get hurt :(. May I ask what has transpired over the past month? I know if he missed me hed texts first but I miss him so and want to to texts him firts all the time asking him why he just disapeared or just saying I miss you . I was seeing an amazing man for about 6 months. My gut feeling just tells me. Also during our relationship his phone would act up to where we wouldnt receive each others texts and would have to download texting apps to continue talking. Thank you for your comment. If he blew you off and you havent heard from him, consider it done. So everything changed for me also The last guy I just let it go I didnt like him all that much anyway. He disappeared with a riddle of a text message that I dont have the interest in trying to decode. then we talk on whatsapp till he asked me to visit him . Cause we got along well I dont get it. Because I assure you that your man is out there looking for you right now. Men and women can both smell fear- and it aint attractive! She may take that as a lesson moving forward in her interactions with people; to actually listen. They should they must come forward and deal with the situation, as they have equal part in having created it. my theory is that creating friendships first is ALWAYS the way to go- you build trust you explore mutual interests, and if there is attraction it can get steamy romantic and it happens to be someone you actually like. We did fall in love and it was great, we spoke on the phone, emailed, chatted on video, and even met after a year. I keep telling myself its his loss, not mine. I dont think we are talking apart a certain age group that does this, Ive been ghosted by 25 year old to 55 year both claiming to love me. So if he acted like he was interested and then disappears, it might be because he's realized that the two of you don't belong together. You dont have to be insulting to tell them why. If women went for men in their league this wont happen. He disappears when he's with his kids 'Barely messages me, sometimes not for days, takes hours to reply to texts, doesn't call' By Meredith Goldstein Globe Staff, Updated January 18, 2021 . I try not to take it personally but did I reject him in some way? . This article definitely portrays what Ive been going through the past few weeks. wanted a peaceful christmas is like a girl saying she lost her phone all weekend unless youre in a hole in the ground with no internet there are always ways to get in touch. I know this is probably the best anyway because nothing will ever really be right with us since he is married. What the hell is so damn important that you have to be joined to your phone? 12) They think you're not compatible. He apologized because he knew he messed up. 4 months ago he broke up with his girlfriend & I seem to listen to him constantly moaning about how hurt he was & lost. After a period of time I figured out what he was doing, I felt very disrespected and less of a lady because of it. In that aspect, you cant ignore the signs like they said. I was in tears when I called him, I thought he would have the decency to at least call me back to clear the air! I know that if I havent heard from him by now, with the kind of relationship we had, I will never hear from him again. Well, I figured I would step up and invite him to dinner last week, which he cheerfully accepted. He had all the its me not you talk, Moving away from the city his family lives, not sure about whats going on in his life, saying he shouldnt be in a relationship as its not a good time, afraid of commitment. I had a man propose to me too then ghosted on me. Is it because he knew that there will be no sex and no nothing more or what.. why wont he explain or atleast try to.. Could anyone please explain.. I do the first step (because if I dont, nothing will ever happen), I show attention, I call, I step over my insecurities to say and do things Im not so certain I should, I pay more attention to how I look and what Im saying and in general do a great deal of things I wouldnt do if I cared less. But I was beside myself when I fell in Like with him. He said he read her the act and said, Hell, no way! If youre looking for someone emotionally available, forget about him after you tell him why. Although I insisted our conversations were casual and playful and nothing serious cas we had talked about things over the phone . And yeah I am being a smart ass. Thank you so much for this article! Ori, thank you so much for your sincere comment! So maybe its better if you keep your unhelpful, condescending remarks to yourself because obviously YOU have a lot to work on if you need to go on an internet forum and diminish others to build yourself up. But this story seems to me an opportunity to share one of the deep frustrations that men have with dating (for some of us its subconscious, but its definitely there), and that is that often we feel more like the object of our partners nurture programming than actually the object of someones affection. After a week I checked in him and he hasnt said nothing. He told me he wanted to have sex with me but I didnt know what to answer because I freaked out. Did you ever hear back? But not replying back means youre history. But the day that we planed to talk about this. Heres an example of what you guys are talking about from the guys point of view. How have you been? Let him know what you want. I was bummed out royally- but what threw me off was that 3 1/2 weeks later, he texts me hey how are you sorry Ive been gone so long, situations at work got really challenging. I was so in shock. We got along really well and had a great day together. There was no making out in the car like we did other times we met at lunch. I have been in longterm relationships for much of the last few years, and Im newish to dating again. At a point, I had enough and I told him that it was best to call things a day and move on! Start your own life and make a new plan without him. Why are guys to cruel? I had no idea this happens this often. I made the discussion about me and how he made me feel. I have been dating this guy for more than 2 months, but he has not asked me to be his gf or to be exclusive yet. When he was leaving, I walked him to his car and he said, I love you. A day before valentines day we were texting and laughing at each other and he was supposed to pick me up that day after work but didnt answer my call so I thought he fell asleep. So what would you recommend a girl does when a guy withdraws because she has been a bit needy. Chalk it up to one good date and keep fishing. Maybe I am wrong but I had a feeling that they the guy I met behave in a similar why that you did. And Im sorry, but it just aint working out, Im sorry it just aint gonna work out I am so sorry. Right. Insecure. So dont make such judgments based on your own (one time) experience. This was a month ago. Two days ago, I decided to text him to see how he was doing and to wish him a great final week of schoolyou guessed it nothing! ( I dont smoke or drink by choice) I do have a lot of friends who do and I told him that as long as drinking and smoking is not a habit and a life style. he found my profile on professional network and added me. During this talking he has said he has missed me and how he liked when I would be sleeping next to him because it would relax him. We kiss and hold hands in public and totally act like a committed couple, it is not like he is not showing his affections towards me. I havent done anything to him I dont understand how he could just stop talking to me. And then just one day we were exchanging messages and at one point (and the whole conversation was quite flirty) he just stopped. We swapped pictures and he seemed really happy with what he saw.. I sent him an FB message because, naturally, I am sad for him but he ignored that too yet continues to get on FB all day, everyday. He texted back immediately nothat he was just thinking about things and hed reply soon. Unfortunately the more experiences I have had, the pickier I have become and therefore the people I give real chances to beyond meeting once or twice boil down to whose I do care about. In this time he has told me that he wants to take things slow and eventually be serious with me, and I reciprocated those feelings. :), I went on a couple dates with this really nice man I met online last year things seemed to be going great Be glad he told you that, even if its not what you wanted to hear, because he could have just completely never contacted you again and done a complete disappearance on you,which I think is way worse. Hell get the hint and snap eventually, and youll get em back, especially if you stick to DVDs as your topic lol. I have to thank you, you are so brave to share this kind of situation. He slowly backed off after that and then eventually disappeared. Your attitude will make a difference they can sense it. We already talked about this from our first date, hes gonna live where I live, and thats the sweetest thing ever. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED OT REAL MEN!? Not to be vain but she was nothing g special to look at smissed it but it caught my interest. The way you you describe him vanishing and your reaction sounds like the way you communicate with someone you barely know. Anyway, sorry for you, but its better if that happens at the early stages. So in a situation where you have a talk and you give him an ultimtum, he decides he wants to work things out he doesnt want to break up, he would just like me to make it interesting again like before? Needlesa to say, I stayed the night. The problem is when we meet a guy and we start to like him we fantasize about him too much. He said he just felt overwhelmed. After about a week, I did attempt to contact him, and he told me he was on the phone with someone else but would call me a half hour later. Sure enough the next morning I got a text that said what his boss said and that his focus wasnt on work but then he went on to say that I was amazing and I didnt do anything wrong and our time together has been great but too time consuming. Sunday came, did not hear from him. First date went great, we stayed up until 3 am talking. I do think that he didnt confront me cause he was playing the game, that he would keep me in his back pocket, while he is figuring things out. After he left to melbourne on 20th it broke me, where as hed just say he misses his family and home (His family stays here) and now hes totally cut me off doesnt respond to me i see him online all the time, I feel used and hurt cos we promised each other vl be there for each other during this phase of separation. I was so happy. the first time we met was magical, it was a fairytale, my freinds keep saying it was like love at first sight. We dated for 6 months. There are so many other guys out there who will gladly give us their time those are the ones we need to value. That was it . Finally met had a good time. Im completely aware of what I did. He sent back a thanks doctor and that was it.. Ive given him space and Im warm and kind when he does text me, but its making me cry because I dont know if hes playing with my head or what. 5. Im probably going to get banned for saying this but fact is anyone who gets involved with any man mainly while knowing hes in any relationship being married or not is known as a homewrecker or well technically any whether aware r not but frm my understading this is only facts and look it up if u think Im lying I am just saying so think before you make the mistake again those r who ppl refer to as a homewrecker or even a slut to some is that what you want to be labeled as or are you going to have some respect for the other woman as well as yourself and not do that again Im just saying okay imagine how she must feel especially if he has kids with his wife u should not be any more than disgusted he did that to not just u but her too them okay think about her pain nobody wants an unfaithful partner and its hard to deal wwith when finding out our worst fear that we have one now how can u still want that sick twisted mind idiot really ur better than that & u need to realize what he did to her he will do to aanoter thats all im ssying im sorry if harsh not trying to downgrade u but Im just being honest face the facts put urself in her shoes shes the wife not you a side piece how could u even expect u to last with that loser hes married shes the one hes got something real with sides should not ever expect anything lasting or realluly i dont understsnd how r why 1 wuld even ever Get involved at all thats asking for drama bs and heartache discard all there Is with that but anyway now Im sounding negative towards u not trying to tho my apologies Ive said enough just try to see and understand my point Im sorry u expected more tho anyone who cheats cannot be trusted for its very likely hell b any different and not cheat with every partner hes supposed to be in a relationship last thing k dont be a loser and settle for one learn from this and become a respectful woman whose not going to put a label on herself anything like that now Im done take care hope this helps u to see the reality to it all. We just chatted and then swapped numbers. lots of texting after the date, etc. He would make it seem like life was stressing him out. Id probably be stupid and let him just go back to my life. You brag about ghosting a woman and justify it. He got back to me and told me that he loved me and always will, but he had reconciled with his wife, and she was now pregnant. Then yesterday, I shoot him a message on facebook asking for a certain schedule of an event. Whatever his problem is, its not YOUR problem. I know that we had a great time hanging out but I also know how tricky it can be for guys when they realize theyre catching feelings or when they want different things. Off at his hotel and said, he is tired and we should meet up for dinner and i said, Ill come pick him up. Why do you say time will help you fall out of interest? And I guess that I dont love you anymore The broken promises of I will be back in a few weeks from work and it changes to months and months. If you've decided that you want to text him back. then I stop intiating contact, I stop asking him out, for sure I stop dating him. Weirdly, Hes NEVER ignored one of my messages, But doesnt exactly stay long enough to converse. To show up at his house in costume lingerie? I cant seem to forget this guy. Does he spend time with you as often as he used to? It is exactly what I needed to read. I felt like we had a good timehe took me to a really nice place after the restaurant where you can see the whole city and after that I went home cas I had told You said it so well! He lives in the same srea as me but when we met in line he was on a business cintract out of state. My ex fianc would do this sometimes, mostly when he was stressed. But in this case, he dropped communication because of a family issue, thats completely understandable! Seemed really into me. I checked in with him to ask confirm, radio silence. I say leave it be and stay focused on you. Although I do think that he could atleast try to respond. If you ever run into them in public, remain classy and dont get animated or go off on them if they try to approach you. I texted him last week and he did text back saying he is working hard and busy. I responded and reminded him that he was just as guilty of moving fast as I was and I must have done something wrong for him to be saying this. Or once you tell them you like them. last july was our last meeting before I went for holiday, once I sent message during my holiday, he was so happy about that. I cant believe I was so i step back and try to leave him but he always pull me back .. and its really not comfy to keep thinking whether hes seeing her still or not. The fact we used to talk all the time has made this cutting off so hard. I need help!!!! So a shoddy treatment of me from someone who claims to love me is not on. As it was me who sent the last email, and he didnt respond, Im staying quiet too. Almost a week went by, and still nothing. I waited a couple days thinking he'd contact me eventuallybut he didn't. He seemed like a very reasonable, mature guy and it literally seemed perfect And I would leave him alone after that. In other words, he was looking for something casual. He has blocked my calls, so I dont even try anymore. 5 minutes passed then I said to him so youre not going tp mention the fact that you unfriended me without even let me know? This really should not be a mystery the way a woman conducts herself, her general patterns of thinking and communicating, you cant learn all that overnight. 3: All other scenarios, read 1 or 2 again. I am in this crappy situation also, I have been dealing with this guy for a looong time. Of course, I fell in love with him too and completely head over heels. and he always asked me to stop talking about it. Now that I was so close, I almost want to chase it untill I get it. No answer. 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