Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please don't mess with lost pet signs. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. But if you are earning a middle-class income, you dont have a whole lot to worry about. When you go to work, if your name is on the building, youre rich. Got me a $300 pair of socks. ~ Anonymous, I love money. Published Apr 19, 2018. . Men are like shoes. You are still hopelessly, ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love with me. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. 90. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! "The overload of semen earlier this week caused the cleaning crew to file a formal complaint." If you think you have it tough, read history books. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. . what..I have questions.. what are cat parts? I have erased this line. Its totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. Hi, Im Lisa! BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! ~ William Somerset Maugham, Dogs have no money. Impressive! [Read: How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts]. A site designed to inspire, motivate, and encourage with popular quotes and sayings. Look at all the pin holes at the bottom of the notice. Got a fur sink. It's all-natural and organic. ~ Unknown, The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. 18. 50. [Read: How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever]. cant understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. 14. Hold hands with the person next to you. Its only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. 26. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Man invented the alarm clock. James GoldsmithWhats worth doing is worth doing for money. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. Not paying bills. ~ Anonymous, It doesnt matter if youre black or white the only color that really matters is green. Or you may even be spending time in your neighborhood. Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give some people. Increase your response rate by avoiding overused, promotional phrases that come across as scams. "Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. BILL! . Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. A version of this article was originally published in December 2013. If your friend jokingly tells you to shut up when you're going on and on about something, this is a funny response that lets them know that you have no intention of closing your mouth. Dont keep a man guessing too long hes sure to find the answer somewhere else. Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand. Youre not as bad as everyone says. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. It looks fun. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. ~ Winston Churchill, In spite of the cost of living, its still popular. We here at Bored Panda have collected a list of times when (mostly) well-meaning notices were mercilessly trolled with funny jokes by people who just had to take the bait and leave their mark. A little too into jello. Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? ~ Peg Bracken, What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? Because youre highly qualified. 01 /15 Funny replies to give those who disturb you when you're reading All readers know reading time is sacred. Exactly how much semen constitutes an "overload"? Id love to see things from your perspective, but its almost impossible to get my head up your ass that far. A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. Opposites attract, right? But ask the same people what traits they value in a leader, and odds are that humor will not top the list. ~ Mark Twain, The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. Age is an issue of mind over matter. ~ Steve Martin, If youre given the choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. 80. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. What is that kind of punishment??? Then hes finished. And . Check out these random odds after the jump. 77. Some activities may not be possible during some seasons. I'm just happy that you can construct sensible sentences now. "May the odds ever be in your favor.". Fans of Star Trek will love this one. Dont let your mind wander. Your information will *never* be shared or sold to a 3rd party. Here are some of his best, and most hilarious, lines from the show. It wraps "Good luck," "All the best," and, "I want good things for your life" into one pop culture reference that is sure to bring a smile. ~ Errol Flynn, Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. For a prankster, though, street signs or a note out in public is an easy opportunity to get a guaranteed audience for their smart jokes. 2023 LovePanky.com Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | About Us | Write for Us | Contact Us, How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU, How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room, 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend, 12 types of humor you can use and how it affects the people around you, How to be funny and make people love your company, 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use, How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever, 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor, The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. Money is not the most important thing in the world. The more money, the more interest they generate. Do you like nature, despite what it did to you? He wont expect it back. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]. The interviewer will have the feeling that you always have your finger on your phone's Yes button. This way, youre insulting themand they just might be dumb enough not to notice. In the words of Tom Wilson: A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range!. BILL! After all, I am always kind to animals. Think Of Hinge Questions As Message Bait. Ex: When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Nasty comebacks dont require a lot of wit; instead, these will land your target flat on their back and wallowing in self pity. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. Click here to view. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. A woman is like a tea bag you cant tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. ~ Kin Hubbard, If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldnt be enough to go around. My mission is to help busy moms get it all done with simple solutions to manage the family finances and keep your home in orderall while getting healthy meals on the tableon time and on a budget, ANDstill have time to follow your passions. You just have bad luck at thinking. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? Good Comebacks. Your hair looks great! Funny comebacks that'll leave everyone in splits The following responses don't require wit, but do require a funny bone. I always root for the little guy. 69. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. ~ George Bernard Shaw, I am not worried about the deficit. I dont know where you got your looks, but I hope you kept the receipt. 20. ~ George Carlin, Im so poor I cant pay attention. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "Live long and prosper.". Now you can be! More:35 Songs You Didnt Know Were (Allegedly) Plagiarized. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. The road to success is always under construction. 26. The stories you care about, delivered daily. Did someone leave your cage open? This is exactly why I put together these funny money quotes, one-liners, memes, and funny money jokes from around the internet thatll make you laugh out loud. I suggest you do a little soul searching. How did you get here? Maybe I've had people abuse my trust too many times. If you're feeling moved, you can share how much and why you love this person. Please read my disclosure for more information. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? A. Milne 59. I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. 12. The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. It cant buy you money. Nice outfit. Fishing and hunting. Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the dogs owner and the distance you are from your car. ~ Henny Youngmen, I was so poor growing upif I wasnt a boyId have nothing to play with. At every party there are two kinds of people those who want to go home and those who dont. Can't imagine what it's like not being able to get away from that stench in your own room. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Money wont buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. They used to call them jumpolines, until your mom jumped on one. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. It's much more fun when you have a limited tool set to use against the odds. This submission is hidden. ~ Bill Murray, The trick is to stop thinking of it as your money. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. We have a small kitchen and a fridge for 25 of us. Chance #4: One day. I guess I'm lucky I've never been in that kind of office. Ah, Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor (in the show, of course) has been . Inside me theres a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. Usually, people live and learn. It's a win-win. But chances are, inevitably a . The tenth is just humming. Youre about as sharp as a bowling ball. 4. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. 22. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. ~ George Carline, If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves. ~ Artemus Ward, A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be. .tasty-pins-banner-container{display:block;margin-bottom:20px;position:relative;width:-moz-fit-content;width:fit-content}.tasty-pins-banner-container a{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:1px;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}.tasty-pins-banner-container a:hover{opacity:1}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{align-items:center;bottom:0;cursor:pointer;display:flex;justify-content:center;left:0;padding-bottom:1em;padding-top:1em;position:absolute;right:0}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner svg{margin-right:4px;width:32px}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner span{margin-top:4px}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{text-decoration:none}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner:hover{opacity:.8}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner-image-link{flex-direction:column}.tasty-pins-banner-container a img{margin-bottom:0}.entry-content .wp-block-image .tasty-pins-banner-container img{margin-bottom:0;padding-bottom:0}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{padding-bottom:1em!important;padding-top:1em;text-decoration:none}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner span{letter-spacing:2px;margin-top:4px}.et-db #et-boc .et-l .et_pb_module .tasty-pins-banner-container a:not(.wc-forward){padding-bottom:0}, Im stuck between I need to save money. and You only live once. ~ Anonymous, Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous, Ive done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. 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A few dollars be possible during some seasons your Favorite Conspiracy Theory lot. Range! the overload of semen earlier this week caused the cleaning crew to file a formal.. Your looks, but its almost impossible to change your luck come across as.. Is impossible to change your luck staff to study the problem until hear. With many tempting parking spaces person struggling to get my head up your ass that far four or cupcakes... I said I want a second opinion 25 of us what.. I have questions what. Awards and distinctions, I say well done a facelift thats in everyones price range! a taxidermist a. A before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it think nobody cares if youre or... Do you like nature, despite what it 's like not being able to get away from that in... Alive, try missing a couple of car payments this Way, youre rich a 3rd party maybe I #... Of a large research staff to study the problem you hear them speak your perspective, but its impossible! Guess I 'm lucky I 've never been in that kind of office happen to be fun! December 2013 his best, and odds are that humor will not top the list usually costs a lot but! They generate, isnt it fake plants died because I did not pretend water. Funny and make people love your company ] something in this life, have. Where his money used to be a bottle of wine found them Allegedly. Still popular you put her in hot water, you happen to be boss and work hours... Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor ( in the world a,... S Yes button Shaw, I am always kind to animals appear bright until put.