He was blowing me off each and every time. I have 2 dogs who give me so much love and fulfillment. But still hes everything I want and need. to tell you honestly, im the one who makes effort for us to be together because he lives far away from me and i understand his conditon that he cant travel far.. im not a demanding partner all i want is for him to make little efforts to make me feel special and loved. I was like OK and we moved on with our usual routine. Wanting me to be available for him. But hes not very ambitious and is a homebody which Im sure comes from pot smoking, makes u lazy. I love my boyfriend very much but he is so difficult to understand in the morning you will text with much love and in the evening he will tell you I dont know how to love, you deserve someone better who can give you money among others . If anything is like now hes got this new job hes checked out and wants a new life. Ive tried to initiate intimacy and have been rejected because hes tired. He didnt want to and i ended up cheating. Texting in his way showed me just how little hed been giving me and Id been accepting it. He has never had a serious relationship so he doesnt know that we could have gone through it together. This guy is really bad for you, and you know it. because that can be so self-fulfilling trust me). Someone needs to get off if it cant be discussed and decisions made together to improve what doesnt work for one or the other. So, literally, he gives me a quick peck before he goes to work and at least TELLS me he loves me. He needs a chill pill and a real wake up call and renewed investment in life vs his career. Thats why I feel like I need to leave. After I voiced my frustration, he said hes been busy with trying to get a promotion at work and on his free time he spends it with his son. Of course you want him to make an effort to wine and dine you; his time, effort, and energy shows he cares about you. Bc of me being in trouble for stuff my mom sent me away with my grandma to another state for fall break. He almost kind of agrees to get it over with but nothing changes. Somehow I always felt that he did it because of something I did. P.S. I feel like Ive tried everything to get us back on track so weve just spoken on the phone & hes going to think about things tonight. Best to all! Whats the point ? Hey, I wasnt planning on replying to anyone, because I was just listening to other people with similar stories, but I actually went through a very similar thing. Misery loves company, I guess, because I am so damn happy to know that someone else is suffering the same as me and now I dont feel just so alone. I dont feel like I really know him at all. Unless he drank to much then he was argumentative and yucky. I have trust issues as well. Every time I have to make the first move conversation and ask what to do, He has no idea. Stop yourself from bombarding him with messages. Im planning to attend grad school this coming August and I havent manage to get all my stuff in yet because Im busy with my kiddos, house chores and helping him with work. Ive told him why I need contact to stay connected to each other n to feel secure n have fun. He would always build my hopes up before we call and end up forgetting or when he calls, hes either that hes going to bed or do so while playing his games throughout the call and not pay attention even when i have something to share which hurt my feelings. The man I end up with will not leave me hanging feeling sad and confused. Hi, Your post really reflects on me. A relationship without dates lacks romance and passion. I dont expect a perfect relationship but I guess he does. Its time to let him go, you did all you could. And I decided Ive had enough, and it wasnt even a full month yet! Its been six months now and so far nothing. He says he doesnt want to text and show love and tells me to be patient. There are sometimes I try to talk to him about my day, and he is listening but he doesnt engage or seem interested. Being that were sophomore and junior now, we dont have any classes together. Everything about him was so private I have no idea what he does. it took me years before I finally moved on. Niw he say he is not happy, he ask if u cannot forget that incident how we continue this relationship, he say i dont know how tontalk with him, donot respect him, and now he does not make any efforts to fix our dying relationship. i cried a lot i asked myself will i love him back after knowing everything. I want to give myself time to breath but when I do, again I feel lazy and like Im doing nothing with my life. You can spend a lifetime figuring out a persons situation and analyze things, but at the end of the day, actions are louder than words, and if a man/women REALLY wants to be with you, they will move mountains. I asked him to go to a Valentines Day dance and we went. So accept that it will be hard, cry about it for a week or two and try to move on with your life and realize that you deserved so much better then that pos. it is like his way of saying he just wants to do whatever he wants now and I if I dont like it, tough crap. Letting Go of Someone You Loveis filled with comforting, practical ways to heal your heart. This past week, I got strep throat and was miserable, so I didnt do anything, and since I got antibiotics, Ive been feeling better, but Im debating on doing anything to show him how much I do and how little he does. I asked him to help me move to where he lives the first 2 times he said yes quickly.. I dont want to settle or compromise my own feelings anymore..And you shouldnt either. Idk what to do anymore. At this point we fight so much and afterwards Im always the one to try to settle things because he just cant comprehend what he said really hurts. Create your own personal world girl. However I have had major trust issues since I was young and still find it hard to trust him in certain situations. I talk about this with him. [1] The key to solving any problem is understanding the underlying cause. Some of your traits are similar to mine and some are similar to someone that I was dating at the time. And I know its not healthy to compare your relationships to others but Id be lying if I said I never wish my relationship was more like others. Also said he is feeling low and has issues with his father (this something he always tell me tbh)He hasnt called me yet tho he promised he would. Or maybe your boyfriend is dealing with an ex-wife and custody issues, and just doesnt have the time or energy to make an effort in your relationship. But I feel as though he does not see the page that I am on, is there any way I can do that without it being an argument? If youre always playing offense, you could continually be hurting your partner's feelings, thereby offending, alienating, and pushing them away. Its now Tuesday, nothing. Hi, you should not be with this person. He works constantly and Im a stay at home dog mom (Recently weve been wanting kids). Whats the point of working hard if you wont let yourself play hard? That being said, on Christmas or birthdays or Valentines day, I expect something. Its sad. If your S.O. I dont think it is good to waste peoples time. He never comes to see me, I always have to go to him. We decided to move in together shortly after COVID began so I worked things out with my work and moved to his state. we havent dated for long (~3.5 months) so i could be overreacting, but at the same time, im tired of the lack of effort on his end. He then told me about the basics, and then he let me hold on to him to avoid falling. His temper and his childish attitude and how he has to be right all the time. That didnt rlly happen he didnt last a day without me. He says he loves me but I dont see him actively showing his love. We only see each other every one or two weeks at the most. They just seems like some eords. "I stopped trying altogether," he said. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. If you aren't getting the attention you need and deserve, it may be time to move on. His was 9 years ago but he is still very bitter. The life situations just put our relationship to the side. And when I ask him what hes been doing that he cant call me, he gives me horrible excuses. But nope as well. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. He doesnt seem to like me being around on the weekends when he has his daughter. But for him, anniversaries are pointless. He cant see his daughter now because his crazy ex wife wont let him. Rather call it quit now and learn to live without him as soon as possible because you are in a loveless relationship. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently he has started to change. We were really happy and things happended so good. He has made me grow in ways Ive never imagined. Yesterday he spent the whole day replaying to every single text with yeah or k. I reslect to my culture. he may also feel that you do not put enough energy into him. He said that the only thing I require of him is to give me attention. I just lack security in myself that I need to fill. I just wish he thought about me enough to want to do things for meto put in effort just for me, Gilr im sorry But the either already have someone else or he is flirting with someone. this article is useful, thank you. i jst think hes all abt himself and idk wht do. Like, Ive planned 90% of our dates. He also spends all is money on one of purchases like 600 pound shoes and then moans to borrow money while I foot the bill for car expenses etc.I feel like the only time he cuddles me is when he wants sex and if I have an excuse he immediately pulls away. Help. But,to my surprise, his lil cousin(whos staying at his place rn) told me he was playing games earlier. I dont have any family where I live to help out. I am clearly the one putting any effort into the relationship where I think I have just made it too easy for him. (Probably why she fell in love with another man) now its like he is determined for me to not become selfish. Yet there it is, still on since god knows when he took her out. He is mechanical and can fix many things. We have been talking for almost a month. You are independent. 88 years of expert advice and inspiration, for every couple. Weve been together a year and a half now. Anyway I would talk about these things with him and he would make progress, but then get right back to the same place shortly after. He asked me to come to his section I said no Ill stay w my friends. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you But now that he has you he sees he doesnt have to try anymore. He is not interested in knowing what my love language is. The key is to not give them the key to our happiness. I miss him terribly. He was so understanding and apologized for the lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more. He was not able to go back to school again because his government decided that no one will graduate this year. I think this self reflection is important to ensure I dont repeat this again. I really i am lost and dont know what to do, love only gets old if he allows it, I have been trying to do sweet things for him aswell by making him a nice meal and texting him good morning and just checking up on him but I guess he seems rather bored. Find some activities/interest that give you pleasure independently find some close friends make some successes in your life that you can gain confidence from and then worry about your relationship when you are on stronger grounds. i think if i knew he wasnt capable of doing these things i wouldnt feel so strongly. Not fair and a relationship is 2 waysSince you have a Son and a new job would NOT recommend that you move to him. We lived together in my apartment for about a year & a half. He says he loves me but he just doesnt act like it. Then we usually get in an argument and sometimes we break off for about a week. I dont know what to do and need some advice. If you depend on him for your self-identity and self-image, then you have to learn how to be an emotionally strong woman in your relationships. These tips actually worked. That doesnt only mean that hes Ask them, I feel like youre ignoring me. I met this guy 6months ago we were happy and everything was going well, until last week Friday.He went out with his friends and he came back in the morning. it breaks my heart that despite all my efforts still i been judged as a selfish gf. First I asked him if we could level up our relationship through meeting his and my family. Which I loved! First off I pulled back without warning. He does not even get up in the morning and brush his teeth, put on deodorant ,etc. There is no consistency. I said it would really mean the world to me if he would send me a good morning text like he used to. Then we were living in different countries. Weve been together for 5 years. 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